life and other complications

Ghetto cooking with Emily

Low brow enchiladas-- night two of my 2011 resolution: cook dinner five nights a week...

my other resolution? start blogging again. (i'm not going even to pretend to legitimize my "lose weight" resolution because, yeah, unlikely.)

but, really, on the cooking thing. i'm committed to it. so last night i made an extra pork tenderloin, just for this prupose-- to shred, toss with salsa and chili, tear up some tortillas and toss in and then top with some broken up Tostitos and cheddar cheese. gourmet food it wasn't. but cooked by me? why yes it was. short ribs cooked all day today in red wine/broth/et al. in order to have them ready for tomorrow night's dinner. if i can figure out Thursday and Friday dinners then i'll at least have kept my resolution for a week, which is no small feat and, also, probably a record for me.

Justin v. Food

watching a *little* too much Adam Richman has clearly gotten to Justin, as this is what just arrived in my mailbox:

accompanied (in all seriousness) by these brave words:

"I think I could do this if I didn’t have any white bread and chose the sides carefully.  Might be more if I saw it but thinking about 1/2 lb of 4 things doesn’t really scare me much."

now, i love Hill Country as much (ok, more) than your average person, yet i still can't decide if i'm more impressed or disgusted that Justin thinks this is A) something he ought to do, and B) something he is truly capable of doing. and, even worse, i can't really figure out if i should be grossed out at myself for being a little bit jealous of him if he actually follows through. and that i have been actually sitting here thinking about a strategy to accomplish this (the challenge is to eat it all in under an hour; if you do so, it's free. if not, you're out $65). i'm thinking the lean brisket could be a real sticking point-- ok, see? this is clearly an endeavor that Jenny Craig would *not* endorse and, even if Adam Richman is way cooler than JC, i'm meant to be on a beach in two weeks, so i need to focus up and keep my nose clean. (with a furlough for Superbowl Sunday, mais oui).

throwback housewife

that's my new thing.  since i was ever-so-charmingly relieved of my job, i have had time in abundance. idle hands, as you may know, are what i use to spend $$$ the devil's tools, so i have been keeping super busy. i've completely dedicated myself to the pursuit of housewifery (is this pronounced like midwifery, i.e., house-whiff-ery? or more like the word housewife with "ery" at the end?). this means i have been reorganizing cabinets, cleaning grout, and, mostly, cooking cooking cooking.

this week alone it's been roasted chicken (somehow ridiculously excellent, despite the fact that i winged it with a combo of about three Food Network recipes) with root vegetables, chicken fajitas, Mexican omelets, multiple loaves of banana bread (obvs with chocolate chips), turkey/white bean/kale stew. not to mention the 200 cocktail meatballs of New Year's Day.  Justin finds it funniest that whenever we eat something i've made, i am always like, "this is *delicious*, like, really, really, excellent". i don't know why it's so comical that i would love to eat the things i've cooked, since i clearly cater to my own palate when figuring out recipes. i skew to myself as an audience. (and, it *is* good!)

to help me hone these cooking skills, and to fully take advantage of my, er, extended vacation, i'm taking a five-day cooking course at ICE and, really, could not be a bit more excited. i have been wanting to take this course way back since French Emilie took it in the early aughts but never had five weekdays in a row. (and the idea of five subsequent Saturdays was not that tempting as i am way too attached with weekend time with J to give up that big a chunk). somehow i've managed to convince my mom to take the course with me and, seriously, after we are done, you won't want to get on the business end of our spatulas. i am more excited for this than i've been for anything in recent memory. hopefully, i won't suck!

play ball

because i am all about "anything worth doing is worth *overdoing*", i sort of handled T's fantasy baseball draft as if it were a child's baseball themed birthday party. this was no easy feat, considering T was resistant to a me-catered affair, insisting that "we usually order pizza and everyone is fine with that." happily, during one of our countless weekends out of the city, visiting friends, the Garster let me know that pizza was not the ideal, just what had been previously provided at drafts of yore.

since i have come to learn that the best men are "fueled by bacon", i set about making up a brunch recipe that would cover the important pork-product category. what i came up with was french toast sticks with bacon belts (sorry for the utterly uncatchy, yet fully descriptive name-- marketing was never my thing). i then took a few different french toast recipes and altered them according to my needs. a little Alton Brown for a recipe base, and doubles it--adding vanilla, real maple syrup and using 1 cup half-and-half + 1 c. milk instead of all half-and-half. and instead of cooking the french toast in the oven on racks, i just used a buttered cookie sheet. before baking, i sliced each piece of french toast into thirds.  then took bacon (which i had parcooked in the microwave) and cut each slice in half, wrapped the bacon around the french toast stick, tucking the ends under, and baked for 15 minutes or so at 375 degrees F. although i forgot to photograph it, the sticks were a major hit. (even though T neglected to give everyone plates, preventing his fellow drafters from enjoying the sticks with syrup, as was my intent and, indeed, the very reason i sent out a tray with the sticks, two types of maple syrup, napkins and *plates*).

but the pièce de résistance was the little cupcakes i made to look like baseballs. (ok, to vaguely resemble and, thus, evoke thoughts of baseballs):

i just frosted devil's food cupcakes in vanilla and then used thin red fondant strips to emilate the stitching. these were so cute. oh, if only T and his friends were five year old children at a place like Shep Messing's Soccer World* or Sal's Baseball Academy. alas, the novelty and coolness may have been wasted on this crowd.

ah, what can you do... (clearly, not stop baking and turning out overwrought, way-too-involved desserts.) now i just need to sleep. last night's overabundance of lychee martinis (at Chola with the Lamps) followed by too much more wine at Chez My Parents (a/k/a where we live these days. yes. still) has taken its toll. and chasing this guy around the apartment sure didn't find me any new energy:

at least there's still Sunday to regroup.

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* although, according to the internet, there is no such thing as Shep Messing's Soccer World, i *know* it existed at one point in time. in fact, as the only (or at least one of the only) girls attending Todd Kussin's elementary school birthday party, i am 99% positive that during an indoor soccer game, i was so dedicated to defending my team's goal (no joke, as left-fullback) that i dropped my shoulder and stood my ground as Lowell Simpson came downfield and BAM! gave him a bloody nose.

way worse than cardboard pork buns

i forgot to mention one of the less awesome parts of my trip to New England--
the poison!

that's right, sold to me right in downtown Portsmouth, i bought enough delicious poison for me and three of my friends (in this case, the CaliSister, Lil E and the JadedMom). this poison came in the form of innocuous-enough seeming candy necklaces, which i'd seen and thought the girls could all wear as some badge of sisterhood or some such hokey sentiment:

but that was not to be! for look closer:

these necklaces were made in China! home of lead paint, melamine and who knows what else. of course, i was not initially suspect of the candy necklaces and ate a fair amount of mine before i decided that the fact that the candy tasted a little like pepper and herbs might not bode so well for me, or my well-being. so i confiscated the necklace i'd already Indian Native American given E, and never even gave my family the other two. jumping on the grenade as i did, i suffered a bout of stomach unpleasantness* on which i shant elaborate.

lesson learned--i am so done with eating poison. for reals.

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* needless to say, for those who know me even a bit, i rallied in time for dinner. well worth it--crabcakes, rack of lamb and cherry brown sugar upside down cake. who's tougher than i?

vacation (all i ever wanted)

you might not know this, but as of this very August, the JadedParents will be married a whopping 40 years. as Thurston and i aren't even really upon the one year mark we have a lot of catching up to do. (and when you take into account the fact that--unlike my mom--i was not a child bride*, we will be *seriously* old when we hit our 40th).

(this is not my actual mother and, presumably, not an actual bride, but rather a becostumed child. or so one would hope).

due to work constraints on both our ends, T and i weren't able to make it to the first part of the trip. that was the part where the JadedParents, the CaliSister, the JadedBrother and Lil E, all headed up to the glorious Balsams, where i spent many a summer vacation as a sweet young girl.

(this photo was taken by the brother from atop a mountain called Table Rock, which i wouldn't have been able to hike anyway due to my gimp knee. so, ha, i didn't miss out**!)

instead, T and i Acela'd it to Boston and then met up with the rest of the family in New Castle, NH at the Wentworth-by-the-Sea. our rooms were gorgeous, with views of the water (as well as balconies that, due to my crippling fear of heights, i was unable to fully appreciate). having never been before, i loved the area, right near Portsmouth and a hop, skip and a jump from Maine, another summer destination of my bygone youth. here's what we did while away.

hit up Strawbery Banke (that's not a typo, that's the old-timey spelling or something), which is a living history museum (role players, yo!) you may think, poor Lovey, how did you get dragged to such a place. but you'd be thinking up the wrong tree, for it was *me* who was doing the dragging. i love this kind of stuff!

here are some flowers. probably historical flowers, but since i didn't really read any of the little plaques describing things, i can't be sure.

there was even a Jewish house with old-time Jewish role players, with the role-player mom actually cooking up some matzah ball soup and borscht. holla! (even though i have disavowed myself religiously from my Jewish roots, culturally i'd be delusional if i thought i were going to be able to ditch my inner yenta...) the only downer of the Shapiro House was when Lil E and i stopped to watch the video history in the living room, which informed us of the untimely death of the Shapiro daughter Mollie in 1933(ish) when she died giving birth. even more poignant in light of the fact that the role-playing mom had just told us about the pogo stick that she'd bought Mollie for her tenth birthday. a very Back to the Future moment, but alas we couldn't warn the mom of what was to come lest we screw with the space-time continuum in McFly-esque manner.

this is the old-timey (no such thing as overuse of a phrase) soda that i drank since it was insanely hot at Strawbery Banke. their quest for authenticity apparently allowed for plasma TVs, but precluded air-conditioning.

that night at dinner, the Wentworth helped us celebrate our parents' anniversary with some awesome desserts:


the next day T and i hit some outlets in nearby Kittery, ME and then the lot of us headed to the 2nd Annual Great State of Maine Grilling & Barbecue Championship of 2007, which was a) meat-filled and b) pretty awesome (yes, i suppose that's redundant). then CaliSister, Lil E and i spa'd it back at the Wentworth. while i had an awesome body polish treatment, Lil E had some type of torture special where she was burned with overheated stones and given an Indian a Native American burn.

here are places that i visited, which i would recommend (because i'm so the arbiter of what rules):

• Saunders at Rye Harbor: not fancy, but just good! great baked stuffed lobster and pretty water views.
• Wentworth Dining Room: amazing service and really delicious high end cuisine. the lamb--to die for! it was perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked and came with this ridiculously good citrus gnocchi. i will miss that gnocchi for a long time...
• The Stockpot: this place is on the Portsmouth waterfront and was a great lunch spot. they had plenty of vegetarian options for my sister and a great lobster roll and Reuben for me--T and i went halfsies so our lunch could be doubly awesome. (that's how i roll).
• Strawbery Banke: if you liked Old Bethpage Restoration Village, you'll love Strawbery Banke.

anyway, we did lots of other things too, but i am lazy. i worked late tonight and missed my brother-in-law's show at the Knitting Factory. i can only assume that they killed it, as Band of Thieves are wont to do. i'll probably never catch up with this blog and share the stories of our Chappaqua baby-naming adventure, the Lillers' engagement party, Dino BBQ with Laura-Ted-Katie, my thoughts (and there are many) on So You Think You Can Dance, our just-about-done renovation and our continued time with my parents for roommates. hopefully, on a go-forward, i can keep up with my own self. unlikely.

i have stuff all week (some of it good, including Jolie bday drinks on Thursday!), then T and i have a weekend of getting our place back to livable, followed by the next weekend in Philadelphia for a baby birthday party. then the next weekend? out of the city again! and one of these days i might even share some of the news i have in the works. i'm all about the baited breath.

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* if i were married as young as my mom was, i really think it would have been all about the D-I-V-O-R-C-E. man, i sucked when i was a teenager. i mean, really. i was a brat and insecure and catty immature and a lot of other uncool things. thank goodness for maturity. (if only it didn't have to be accompanied by a slower metabolism and a bigger ass).

** ok, i *so* did miss out since the Balsams pretty much rules. i have the fondest memories ever from there and cannot even say how bummed i am that T and i had to forego the trip. every dinner is five courses and the lunch buffet has ice sculptures. ice sculptures!! what beats that??

you are what you eat

that means i'm awesome then, right?*

strawberry cupcakes, à la moi

Mexican layered dip, à la the Ice(s) Queen

white chocolate mousse pies, à la the Ice(s) Queen (and decorated by Mrs. Cuban and me!)

this may be the extent of my posting this week. the weekend was full of fun, the most adorable children, and some pretty exciting news** on the JadedEms-front. but i've no time for posting about such things since i was busy doing them.

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* and don't even get me started on the al fresco Houlihan's dinner we shared with Evil A and Mrs. A last weekend. (unpictured for fear of a lawsuit from Evil A for invasion of privacy/improper use. that said, the photos of him and a cheesecake are priceless).

** although renting a Mustang for the day *was* pretty exciting, this is not the news of which i speak. (suspense-- do you love it?):

and, no, i'm not having a baby. the world is clearly not ready for that!

my heart, so blue...

on Saturday, Thurston and i were traveling by bus to one of our favorite dirt-cheap budget brunch spots, Around the Clock, when what did i spy with my little eye:

non-connoisseurs may not recognize this sad sight on Third Avenue--the former home of one of my favorite Pizzeria Unos. (as i have said before, you'll never get me to call it "Uno's Chicago Grill". never!)

happily, the 6th Avenue outpost remains open for business, but still... i fear the obliteration of the Manhattan Unos! then what? T and i will have to abandon NYC for greener, Pizzeria Uno-spotted pastures. don't test me, P.U.-- i'll do it!

injectotator

ok, that's not a real word. but it's the work i have decided best describes whatever tool the good people at Hostess use to get creamy goodness inside of their cupcakes. and it's what i used to make the following:

(more cupcake photos here. all photos by Lucy Lesser).

for the cupcakes, i went with the tried and true Duncan Hines boxed yellow cake mix. (i have time for a lot of things, yes; cakes from scratch? mais, non.) for rizzle, i have tried many a cake in my day (have you seen my ass lately?  i think that's evidence enough that i get my just desserts) and i still prefer the flavor of a cake made from boxed mix. (i may try the recipe linked on the sidebar of Jolie's blog, but i don't expect to be swayed).

anyway, i my focus is to concentrate on what really makes a cupcake awesome--the frosting and the filling. so i set about finding a recipe for peanut butter filling and found a great one here. i halved the recipe since i was only filling six cupcakes with peanut butter and made it in the food processor, rather than the stand mixer. then i used my newly purchased "injectotator" a/k/a a mechanical pastry bag to get the filling into the cupcakes.

however, the so-called injectator sucked. big time. the filling seeped back out the back and was a very big disappointment. so after the peanut butter cupcakes, which i then frosted with (again, store-bought) milk chocolate icing, i employed the age-old cooking show technique of a ziploc pastry bag for the next set of cupcakes, strawberry-filled with strawberry whipped cream on top.

for the strawberry filling, i basically used a cream cheese frosting recipe, omitting the vanilla, and then added frozen (but thawed) strawberries to that. i also increased the confectioner's sugar to thicken it up, accounting for the extra liquid brought by the strawberries. i made this one in the food processor too.

for the whipped cream frosting, just before serving, i whipped up some heavy cream and a bit of confectioners sugar. then i folded in some of the strawberry filling (which i had already thinned out in the food processor by adding more fresh and frozen strawberries) and frosted the already filled cupcakes. (i had frosted three of them with the milk chocolate frosting to evoke chocolate-covered strawberries). then i garnished with some sugar flowers that i had bought at Broadway Panhandler and also a thin strawberry slice. (i also did some strawberry fans to garnish both plates and the choc/strawberry ones too).

when i tell you these cupcakes kicked major ass, i kid you not. though i may be tooting my own horn, it so deserves said tooting. this may have been the best dessert i have made.

excellence notwithstanding, nothing could be better than the smoked and glazed ribs that my brother cooked up on the Weber smoker. five hours of smoking goodness leads to an enviable smoke-ring such as below:

T and i looked on as Brian sliced up the goodness (check out my strawberry cupcakes in the background, ready for the frosting.)

i also made some pretty fine yogurt marinated, Indian-spiced chicken kebabs, but the cupcakes and the ribs are the real story.

Top Eater

ok, so they haven't yet invented that tv counterpart to Top Chef, but if when they do, i am so winning. and i plan to get started in a couple of weeks, when T and i visit Perilla, the restaurant of Top Chef Season 1 winner, Harold Dieterle.

as discussed before, Thurston and i won't soon recover from missing dinner at the namesake of another favorite tv chef, Gordon Ramsay. however, now that i'm down to one crutch, it would take another surgery to keep me from Perilla. (which kicks off a weekend of fine dining, to be sure. the next night? dinner at Bouley.) although i originally planned to hit Perilla for my birthday dinner avec la famille, the largest table they have is for six and, all told, we're seven. they happily agreed to let us squish our seventh in at the table but, alas, the night i wanted to go, the large table wasn't available until 9pm (too late for my dad on a work night...) i am überexcited to eat there* and the menu looks amazing.

Bouley also promises to be great since, well, it's Bouley. i mean, really!

then this weekend Mother's Day = smoked meat. yes, it's the time of year when my brother breaks out his smoker

and regales us all with briskets and jerky and ribs--oh my! because nothing says "Happy Mother's Day" like a hunk of smoked meat. i think i'll turn out some cupcakes, if only to use the nifty cupcake transporter that my mom got for me:

i'm thinking to frost 1/2 strawberry and 1/2 chocolate (after my experiments in frosting of last weekend, i approach this task with high hopes. i'm not sure i can buy strawberry frosting but i am thinking i can lazily cobble some together with all storebought ingredients invent it--maybe with real strawberries, maybe with Nestle Quik. who can say?)

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* the only downside? Perilla inhabits the space formerly known as Inside, which was a solid restaurant and one in which i had many an awesome meal. (don't get me started on their banana split and bacon wrapped dates. oh, delicious food, how i shall miss you!)